Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Previewing Tonight's Debate

What can we expect from tonight's debate?

Well here's the strategy for the candidates:

Stephen Harper 

The Plan
Look like a Prime Minister. Since he's had five years practice at looking like a Prime Minister, this should be a piece a cake.

What he needs to do
Harper must remain calm, smile, stick to his message and refrain from singing any Beatles' songs. Must also say the world "Coalition" at least 500 times in the first two minutes of his opening statement.

What could go wrong?
If things start going badly might ask moderator to "prorogue" debate.

Michael Ignatieff

The Plan:
Convince people he could in theory be a Prime Minister of Canada instead of Russian Czar.

What he needs to do
He must be aggressive, but not too aggressive, smart but not Harvard smart, calm but not weak, Liberal but not Dion Liberal and hope for a miracle.

What could go wrong?
Might by accident refer to himself as leader of the Reckless Coalition while speaking in American accent.

Jack Layton

The Plan
Remind people he is actually in the race.

What he needs to do
Convince people that although socialism failed in the past, it's now sort of retro-chic.

What could go wrong?
Might inadvertently kill moderator Steve Paikin while trying to deliver "knock out blow" to Harper.

Gilles Duceppe

The Plan
Annoy voters in English Canada.

What he needs to do
Just be his annoying self.

What could go wrong
Might win majority of English Canadians to his cause.

Elizabeth May

The Plan
Sit in front of TV and sulk.

What she needs to do
Get over it.

What could go wrong.
Nobody will miss her.


Anonymous said...

There won't be any opening comments this year. There will be closing remarks and PM Harper speaks last by a draw they had. That will be the only thing in his favor. He better be careful that the media don't spike his water with a sedative to knock him out before he can question the coalition on their bloated platforms.

Anonymous said...

That was just wonderfully hilarious!!! Kudos!!!


I personally think a little bit of passion here and there from Harper would be a good thing. It gives people a real sense that he believes what he is saying.

I'm speaking about the real thing...as opposed to the usual feigned, over the top, self-righteous, and nauseatingly sanctimonious chest thumping and/or podium pounding we've all come to expect (and loathe) from the others.

Paul MacPhail said...

"Might by accident refer to himself as leader of the Reckless Coalition while speaking in American accent."

It was at this point that my large cream & sugar from Tim's rapidly exited out of every facial orifice.

Anonymous said...

Political humour, we need more of it! (real conservative)

Alan said...

"What could go wrong
Might win majority of English Canadians to his cause."

This did happen. I too now wish Quebec would leave. Sounds like they get alot and it's not enough, the way Duceppe was talking. Why is he even allowed in the debate? We all know he can't possibly form government, only fielding candidates in Quebec.

Letting him in to the debate is basically like allowing a thief in to jewelry party: you know what he does, you know why he's there, but you add him in to see if things get interesting.

At least they left May out. Harper had it right last election when he threatened to pull out if May was allowed in.