Gerry's Most UnExcellent Adventure

In this blog's last exciting episode I was in my Montreal hotel room anxiously checking flight schedules to see if the massive winter storm pounding the city would keep me from getting home.

Here's the rest of the story (warning some scenes are intended for mature audiences, viewer discretion is advised)

At about 10:00 AM after a pleasant sounding fellow from the airline assured me my 12:15 flight was still on time I bravely embarked on my journey.

Things got off to a bad start when immediately upon leaving the hotel, I sunk into a snow bank up to my chest.

But that was nothing, then came the cab ride.

You know how soldiers tell you war is long periods of tedium punctuated with brief moments of sheer terror.

Well that's what my cab ride was like.

It alternated between being a slow snail-like crawl along ice covered streets and a heart-pounding Disneyland ride designed by Satan.

After the death-defying cab ride it was the security check.

Just my luck some young guy was being trained to be a security guard and I guess I was his "test".

With three other older, mean-looking security guards looking on, this kid took me aside and treated me like I was Osama Bin Laden: I had to undo my belt buckle, take off my boots, and endure a "full metal scan" that was a little more invasive than I liked.

Let's just say he was very thorough and I am sure he passed with flying colours.

Next it was waiting in the terminal lounge -- my flight was delayed. What a shock!!

But finally after waiting for hours in the lounge, they allowed us to board the plane, where we waited for more hours.

Oh yeah, one of the passengers was an absolutely, stunningly gorgeous young lady, who I am certain was a professional model.

Did she sit next to me?

No, of course not. I sat next to a salesman from Manitoba, who kept saying, "Let's pray for a safe flight."

Anyway, after we deiced the plane's wings and after the runway was shoveled free of snow, we finally took off.

The flight itself was uneventful -- except for the aggravating "artist" behind me who kept prattling on about his "performance art".

Eventually we landed safe and sound in Toronto City Island airport.

And just to make the trip end on the right note: I got seasick crossing on the ferry.