Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The speech the PM never gave

About a year ago, I wrote a column in the Toronto Sun which presented the speech I wished Prime Minister Stephen Harper would give.

Now in light of Harper's recent less than conservative economic decisions I thought just for fun, I would run it up the flag pole one more time.

Besides its Christmas, the season for reruns.

Here it is:

My fellow Canadians,

Starting today you are going to see a dramatic change in me and my party. That's because from now on, I am going to start acting and talking like the real Stephen Harper.

No longer will I listen to those advisers, pollsters and spin doctors who for the past five years have convinced me to act like a sweater-vest wearing, big spending, quasi-Liberal.

That's not me.

In fact, I am every Red Tory's worst nightmare: I am a dyed-in-the-wool, honest-to-goodness, small "c" conservative.

That means I believe government should be a lot smaller, that free enterprise is superior to socialism and that the only good thing about the CBC is Don Cherry.

I also believe government must live within its means. Simply put, deficit spending is wrong; today's deficits are tomorrow's taxes.

So to help eliminate the deficit, which admittedly my own government wrongly created, I am going to cancel many of the spending projects previously announced as part of my so-called "stimulus package."

Let's face it, the only thing government spending stimulates is more government.

Rather than increasing spending, I am going to do something I have wanted to do ever since I became prime minister, which is move the capital of Canada to Calgary.

Ha, ha, just kidding.

What I really want to do is cut spending. Under my government there will be no more corporate bailouts; no more handouts to special interest groups; no more pork-barrelling and no more regional subsidies.

Plus I want to make deep tax cuts. I would rather Canadians keep and spend their own money rather than hand it over to bureaucrats who will use it to subsidize things like balloon festivals in Quebec.

And speaking of Quebec, I now realize how much time, energy and money I wasted trying to win seats in that province by pandering to nationalists voters.

That's going to stop.

I will now treat all citizens and all provinces equally. There are no "nations" within Canada, there are no special groups with special rights, there are just Canadians.

Now I fully understand the Opposition will resist my new conservative agenda and force an election.

But that's OK. I welcome the chance to offer Canadian voters something they have not had for a long time: A true political choice.

In the next election, voters will have an opportunity to support the Liberals, who stand for big government, or the NDP, who stand for even bigger government, or the Bloc Quebecois, who want to run a foreign government.

Or they can support my party which wants to get government out of people's lives.

That's an election I can win.

Thank you and God bless Canada.

1 comment:

Onward James said...

Excellent speech. You might have added and no more funds to questionable and outright corrupt nations, such as those who buy weapons rather than help the people as intended, and where the leaders habank accounts in Switzerland, etc.

And how about the First Nations?

No more reservatons. Natives will own property so they utilize it as collateral for entrepreneurial ventures.