Sunday, December 10, 2006

Christmas Blues

Tis the season to be jolly.


Here's a couple of reasons why I am not so jolly these days:
  • Recently had to endure my most hated of experiences: a trip to the dentist. What's worse, the radio station piped into the room was CBC news! Talk about double torture.
  • Took my car into the garage to get it "winterized". Turned out it needed new brakes -- $1,200. Take that Christmas budget.
  • Lost my December GO train pass. So my Christmas gift to some stranger is a month's worth of free rides between Toronto and Oakville.
You know what I need?

I need is a visit from some kindly spirit just like on those corny Christmas movies!

It would especially be nice if that spirit had plenty of cash.


Anonymous said...

Hmm, does that mean you want a "handout" Me thinkest thou should practice what thou preaches. Funny about you conservative types, when its about you, you want freebies or handouts when its the rest of the world you want conservative policies.

Gerry Nicholls said...

Hmm, well I don't think a divine gift, miracle if you will, falls into the category of a "handout".

I mean what do you think Santa Claus is, some sort of government social worker?

Indeed, imagine if Christmas miracles were a government handout program.

First off, gifts would only go to supporters of the Liberal Party.

Second, there would be about ten times as many angels/elves than actually required to do the job.

Every other year the miracle givers would go on strike to get a richer pension.

A large share of the miracles would end up being performed in Quebec.

Government spending on miracles would increase but the quality of miracles would decrease.

Any miracle involving smoking, pit bulls or trans fats would be banned.

The waiting lists for miracles would keep getting longer and longer.

You would be required to fill out about a million forms in both official languages before a miracle could be performed.

No miracle could be performed without a environmental impact study.

You would need to report the financial gain from any miracle on your income tax returns.

So you see anonymous, just be glad miracles aren't a government program.

But anyway, I have decided to give up asking for a miracle infusion of cash.

The real miracle would be if left-wingers like you got a sense of humour!

BBS said...

"The real miracle would be if left-wingers like you got a sense of humour!" Some things are just too big to wish for.