Monday, October 09, 2006
How to Stop Worrying About the Korean Bomb
Seismologists recorded an earthquake in North Korea yesterday that measured 4.2 on the Richter Scale.
Analysts say this quake can only mean one of two things: either Michael Moore is visiting Pyongyang or socialist lunatic Kim Jong-il has tested a nuclear bomb.
If it’s the latter, then this is a serious matter with immense geo-political implications.
We can expect, therefore, the following actions:
* The United Nations will study the matter and quickly pass a strongly worded resolution denouncing the lack of parking spaces in New York City.
* CUPE union boss Sid Ryan will blame it all on Zionism and endorse yet another boycott of Israel.
* NDP leader Jack Layton will call upon his buddies in the Taliban to negotiate with the North Korean leadership to ensure the bomb is used only for peaceful purposes.
* The CBC will air frightening documentaries on how North Korean bomb pales into significance when compared to the real threat to our civilization: Wal Mart stores.
* Toronto Mayor David Miller will send an emissary to North Korea for pointers on how to run a Stalinist economy.
There now don’t you feel safer?