Thursday, April 09, 2015

The Five Stages of Justin Trudeaumania

Stage 1. Euphoria

Oh my God! Justin Trudeau, the cutest, most adorable, most charming man in the history of our planet, is now leader of the Liberal Party. Actually, he’s more than a man … he’s a Super Hero!  His looks, his charisma, his pedigree, combined with his magical ability to transform normally apathetic and disengaged young people into disciplined legions of enthusiastic Liberal voters, make him an unstoppable, unbeatable, invincible political juggernaut! His victory is inevitable. 

Stage 2. Gloating

Ha, ha, ha! The Conservatives are using negative ads to attack Justin Trudeau. Don’t they realize that since Trudeau is so adored, so worshipped, so beloved by the masses, such attacks will only make him even more powerful?  Oh well, once Prime Minister Stephen Harper realizes he has zero chance of stopping Trudeau’s soaring popularity he will do the right thing and resign any day.

Stage 3. Confusion

It’s despicable how Harper is using “fear tactics” to curry votes, such as Bill C 51, a law which, while popular, would undoubtedly destroy our civil rights and …wait, what? Trudeau supports Bill C 51? But he's the fun guy! OK forget about that Bill, let's talk about Trudeau’s politically savvy stance on the Niqab issue which will certainly guarantee him a overwhelming victory because only racist, bigoted, rednecks would support Harper’s position that such garments not be worn during citizenship ceremonies … what’s that? A poll shows nearly 90 percent of Canadians side with Harper?! Um … let’s talk about Mike Duffy.

Stage 4. Bargaining

You know what’s really awesome? Coalition governments. All the really cool countries in Europe have these, why not Canada? It’s time we put aside our boring, bland “British” system we’ve been using for the past 150 years or so and embrace the exciting world of politics Italian-style. It’d be fun! Or let’s try implementing other cool democratic reforms, such as mandatory voting or banning negative ads or Rep by Pop. Remember no idea to radically transform our democracy is too ridiculous or too strange, if it helps Trudeau achieve his destiny.

Stage 5. Acceptance

Canada has only one political leader tough enough and smart enough to defeat Harper in the next election: His name is Thomas Mulcair.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Rippingly brilliant.