Fifty Shades of Gerry

Given the success of “50 Shades of Grey” I have decided to write my own “erotica” novel in a literary attempt to become a billionaire.

Here’s what I have so far:

Chapter One

Sterling Nash sat by the roaring fire, a chilled glass of champagne in his hand, when she entered the room.

With her long, cascading blonde hair and her ruby red lips, Sterling thought she looked like a goddess.

“Welcome,” he said in his most sexy-sounding voice.

“Hi,” she responded. “By the way the fireplace isn’t lit and that’s a glass of Pepsi you’re holding.”

“Well, champagne isn’t exactly cheap,” Sterling noted “And the logs were too damp to catch fire. But never mind that, let’s get more comfortable.”

He started to slowly unbutton his shirt.

“Stop that!” she demanded.

“But this is an erotica novel,” he pointed out with flustered exasperation. “Wait till you see what happens in Chapter Two.”

“Yeah, well there won’t be a Chapter Two you pervert. In fact, this book is over right now.”

Sterling watched in dismay as she spun on her heels and marched out the door.

Then in a blatant effort to pad the novel’s word count, he just sat there puzzled for several minutes.

Finally, Sterling took a sip from his Pepsi and muttered, “I wonder why suburban housewives think this stuff is so hot?”