Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The 2011 Gerry Awards

OK it's time to stop your speculating and guessing.

Here's this year's official 2011 Gerry Award winners!!

Most Dead Terrorist Award
Winner: Osama Bin Laden - US Navy SEALs will drop the award over undisclosed location in the Indian Ocean.

The Medal for Parliamentary Decorum
Winner: Tie - Liberal MP Justin Trudeau and NDP MP Pat Martin. In response to winning this award the two MPs released the following statement: “Go f*%k yourself, you godd#%n piece of sh&t.”

The Lifetime Achievement in Gazebo Promotion Award
Winner: Cabinet Minister Tony Clement for his determination to keep Gazebos in news headlines no matter the expense to Canadian taxpayers.

The Eggheads Don’t belong in Politics Prize (AKA The Stephane Dion award)
Winner: Former Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff who in the 2011 federal election clearly showed why intellectuals have as much business engaging in politics as Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has of joining the Margaret Atwood Appreciation Society.

Best Deceased Dictator
Winner: North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il
Note – Mummar Gaddafi actually received more support for this honour, but judges couldn’t agree on how his name should be spelled.

The General Custer Strategy Prize
Winner: The political geniuses in the Opposition who thought toppling the minority federal Conservative government and running an election on the “ethics” issue was a winning game plan.

The Most Likely to get a Government Bail out Award
Winner: Research in Motion – We tried to email this good news to the company but unfortunately our Blackberry froze.

The Economic Action Plan Award
Winner: Vancouver hockey rioters. Thanks to the damage they did to property after the Stanley Cup finals, massive amounts of spending was undertaken which must have “stimulated” economic activity.  Based on this success, Finance Minister Jim Flaherty now hopes fans across the country will offset a possible recession by going on a similar destructive rampage after the Super Bowl.

The Dirty Harry Award
Winner: The Conservative federal government. This government’s single-minded determination to get those lowlifes off our streets with more cops, more laws and more jails has led to a new Canadian national motto: “Well what about it punk, feeling lucky?”

Keeping Canada Safe Award
Winner: Defence Minister Peter Mackay who has managed to protect our country with a creative combination of free helicopter rides and unlimited expense accounts.

The Boston Red Sox Award for blowing a big lead in September
Winner: Tim Hudak and the Progressive Conservatives

The Lenin Turning Over in His Grave Memorial Prize
Winner: “The Occupy Movement” which sought to overthrow capitalism (or something) by camping out in public parks and chanting a lot.

The "We're Glad She Wasn't Included in the Leaders' Debate Award"
Winner: Green Party leader Elizabeth May, who is also the best Canadian MP ever to represent Papua, New Guinea.

The Teenager Achievement in Politics Award
Winner: The entire NDP Quebec caucus. 

The Houdini Disappearing Award
Winner: The National Citizens Coalition – Thanks to incredible incompetence at the top, this once great organization is now basically irrelevant. (Oh it still has one key function: mindlessly regurgitating Conservative Party talking points.)

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