Now that Prime Minister Harper has his majority he is free to implement the much hyped "Hidden Agenda."
But, of course, since it's hidden no one really knows what's in it.
Well almost no one.
As a member of the "Official Right Wing Conspiracy," I have special access to this highly classified document.
And don't ask me to tell you what's in it, because I've been sworn to secrecy.
Well, maybe I can give you just a small sampling of its contents.
Check it out:
* Appoint David Suzuki special life time ambassador to Iceland.
* No more government grants to any "art" project a casual observer might mistake for a pile of garbage.(This would effectively eliminate 95 percent of all art grants.)
* Sell the CBC to Sun News Network or at the very least allow Ezra Levant to chainsaw CBC logo.
* Force the Human Rights Commission to investigate itself.
* Impose special tax on anyone who publicly praises socialist health care system, but who also uses private clinic -- it will be called "The Jack Layton Levy."
* Next time Quebec threatens to separate, official Canadian government response will be: "Here's your chapeau, what's your hurry."
* Stop government persecution of minorities -- most notably gun owners, smokers and entrepreneurs.
* Install updated calendars in Elections Canada office so they understand this is the 21st century with fancy new communications tools such as"The Internet".
* Just to annoy Heather Mallick, will replace income tax with flat tax.
* Move Canadian capital to Calgary.
Exciting stuff, eh?
And there's lots more.
But I've said too much already, as this agenda is supposed to remain hidden.
So please keep this our little secret.