Saturday, May 23, 2015

Debate Prepping with Justin

Liberal leader Justin Trudeau is not only amazingly cute, he’s also incredibly busy.

In addition to his rigorous schedule of posing for charming photo ops, he’s also prepping like crazy for the upcoming federal leadership debates.

True, those debates are still about five months away; but Liberal party strategists, realizing that pitting their gaffe-prone leader in a debate against Prime Minister Stephen Harper and NDP leader Thomas Mulcair, is like throwing a goldfish into a pond of barracudas, want their leader to be as prepared as possible.

Hence, media reports say that for the past two months Trudeau’s been doing full debate rehearsals, five to six hours a week.

Of course, knowing Trudeau as we all do, we can easily assume that those debate rehearsals are probably going a lot like this:

CONSULTANT: Justin let’s begin our debate rehearsal, I’ll play the part of the moderator, and ask you some practice questions OK?

TRUDEAU: OK, but who am I playing? When I was teaching drama class, I always made it a point to emphasize the importance of knowing your character.

CONSULTANT: You’re playing you Justin. Remember this is a rehearsal for the leadership debates. It’s very important.

TRUDEAU: Got it. So what’s my motivation in this scene? Actually, never mind, I’ll just wing it improv-style. Go ahead and ask away.

CONSULTANT: Mr. Trudeau, if you were elected prime minister what would be your top priority?

TRUDEAU: Easy. My advisors keep telling me that something called the “middle class” is extremely important to Canada, so I’d try my hardest to help it or help them or help whatever it is.

CONSULTANT: Um… we need to work a bit on that answer, Justin. But don’t worry, it’s my fault for starting you off with such a tough question. Just to warm you up, let’s try something a little easier. Tell me Mr. Trudeau what do you love the most about Canada?

TRUDEAU: I love so much about Canada, only I wish we had a government that was just as efficient as the government they have in North Korea which is ….

CONSULTANT: Hold it, Justin. I’m going to stop you right there. Didn’t we already spend hours talking about this? Didn’t we explain to you why that was such a bad thing to say?

TRUDEAU: Well, as I recall you told me praising communist China was a bad thing to say. But clearly I just praised North Korea, so honestly I don’t see the problem

CONSULTANT: Fine. We’ll come back to that later. Here’s my last question. Why, Mr. Trudeau, do you want to be prime minster of Canada?

TRUDEAU: Well, mainly it’s because my mother keeps telling me it’s time I got a real job. And that’s a bit harsh in my ….hey, what’s wrong? Are you crying?

CONSULTANT: No, I just have something in my eye.

TRUDEAU: Listen, why do I need to answer all these hard questions in this stupid debate? By now everybody already knows exactly how smart I am. Can’t I just stand at the podium balancing a baby on my hand? The media seems to love it when I do stuff like that.

CONSULTANT: But you need to show … oh to heck with it. Somebody get me a baby.

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