Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
August 30, 2012
I wish to write to you regarding a matter of grave importance to Canadians, and I request your assistance with this matter.
The problem is we here in
have a loopy leader of a loopy fringe party, named Elizabeth May, who keeps doing really, really
dopey and embarrassing things.
If she’s not extolling the virtues of a Dark Ages lifestyle, she’s kissing up to the Liberal Party or writing completely off the wall insane letters about the state of Canadian democracy.
I write to request that Your Majesty take some action in this matter.
Of course, I realize you can no longer put troublemakers in the
Tower of London,
but perhaps you can have her exiled to some other region of your Empire…perhaps
to some mountain top in Nepal.
Believe me, your Canadian subjects would be much appreciative.
I have the honour to be, Madam, Your Majesty’s humble and obedient servant.
I wouldn't mind getting one of those Diamond Jubilee Medals, if you have any kicking around the palace.