I am pretty sure the Toronto Star editorial on October 26, 2010, the day after the Toronto Mayoral election, will look a little something like this:
Democracy Doesn’t Work
Something is terribly wrong.
You know what we mean. A man like Rob Ford simply doesn’t get elected Mayor in a progressive, sophisticated city like Toronto.
It just doesn’t happen, damn it!
How can a man who probably doesn’t even preset his car radio to CBC, possibly govern a city like Toronto?
But let’s not panic.
Instead, let’s calmly and rationally examine the facts.
Here is fact one: Help!!!!! This is terrible.
OK, we just needed to get that out of our system.
Back to the facts.
What's strange is, it wasn’t just the Toronto-Sun reading, SUV driving, Tim Horton’s-coffee-drinking rubes who inhabit the semi-barbaric suburbs who voted for Ford.
Apparently even smart people who live in downtown core voted for this man too.
How could this be?
Well, unfortunately, there can only be one explanation: The election was rigged, most likely by the NRA and Fox News.
It must be all part of a sinister plot to Americanize Canadian cities.
That’s why yesterday’s election results must be overturned.
We need a new election, as soon as possible, an election where --- with our careful direction ---- voters can be guided into making the correct choice.
In the meantime, we say hand control of the city directly over to an “Enlightened Council” made up of wise statesmen who truly understand what makes our city tick. We need sage Torontonians running the show, leaders who realize that what the city needs are just a few more taxes and a few minor eco-friendly regulations, such as banning cars from all streets and roads.
Of course, the perfect people to run such a Council would be us, the Toronto Star Editorial Board.
We are confident Premier McGuinty will see the wisdom of our proposal.
And if he doesn’t, if Rob Ford is allowed to stay on as our Mayor ….well let’s hope OHIP covers the cost of cyanide tablets.