It didn’t get a lot of press, but the recent Copenhagen Climate Change summit issued a series decrees concerning the Holiday Season.
These decrees have essentially established new environmental Christmas traditions.
If you want to legally enjoy Christmas you must now adhere to the following rules:
All festive sing-alongs must include the song “I’m dreaming of a non-globally warmed Winter season.”
Santa Claus must now wear green instead of red and he must look like Al Gore.
Instead of reindeer, Santa’s sleigh must be portrayed as powered by solar panels. (The same goes for Rudolph’s nose.)
Burning of yule logs or any other non-renewable resources is strictly prohibited, unless the burners have first paid a carbon tax.
“Christmas” lights are banned unless they draw their energy from windmills.
On Christmas Eve, all parents are now required to read their children a poem which begins, “Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, except for David Suzuki, who was snooping about looking for illegal beer fridges.”
Instead of receiving a lump of coal, naughty children will now receive recycling bins stuffed with environmentally friendly products.
Christmas trees are now forbidden; instead families will now decorate a pesticide-free “Christmas tree seed”, which must be planted the following spring.
All food served at festive gatherings must be “organic” and “grown locally”. Since this is Canada and since nothing grows here in the dead of winter, all meals will therefore consist of whatever walnuts, fruitcakes and candy canes are left over from last Christmas.
Instead of hanging up stockings, Canadians must now hang up reusable canvas bags, the uglier the better.
So those are the new Eco-Christmas rules and regulations.
(Please note these rules do not apply to any Third World Dictatorships)