Welcome to Canada: Here are the rules

The federal government has announced it will be handing out a newly revamped “citizenship guide” to immigrants entering this country.

Unlike previous such guides which basically offered a brief explanation as to why the Toronto Maple Leafs haven’t won a Stanley Cup in 42 years, this one will emphasize the responsibilities bestowed up “new” Canadians.

To me this sounds like a fantastic idea, so to help spread the word I managed to got a hold of one these guides and have reproduced it here:

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'CITIZENSHIP RESPONSIBILITIES'
In Canada, rights come with responsibilities. These include the following:

DEFENDING CANADA
There is no compulsory military service in Canada. However, serving in the regular Canadian Forces (navy, army and air force) is a noble way to contribute to Canada and an excellent career choice. It’s also a great way to learn about your new nation’s history first-hand, as Canadian troops are basically armed with military equipment dating from roughly the War of 1812.

TAKING CARE OF ONESELF
Getting a job, taking care of one's family and working hard in keeping with one's abilities, are important Canadian values. Work contributes to personal dignity and self-respect, and to Canada's prosperity. But the harder you work, the more money governments will deduct from your income in taxes. So let’s face it, it doesn’t really make sense to work too hard.

OBEYING THE LAW
One of Canada's founding principles is the rule of law, which is why we have laws and regulations coming out of our national whazoo. Once in Canada, you can expect politicians and bureaucrats to regulate virtually every aspect of your life from where you can smoke cigarettes, to what kind of dog you can own, to what language you can post on business signs. Resistance is futile.

SERVING ON A JURY
When called to do so, you are legally required to serve. Indeed, serving on a jury is a privilege. (Don’t worry; it’s usually pretty easy to get out of it. Try telling the judge something like, “Hey you know what? The accused reminds me of the guy who ran over my kitten!”)

VOTING IN ELECTIONS
The right to vote comes with a responsibility to vote in federal, provincial or territorial, and local elections. And remember a Conservative government let you in the country, which might help you decide which party to vote for, if you get our drift.

HERITAGE & ENVIRONMENT
Every citizen has a role to play in avoiding waste and pollution while protecting Canada's natural, cultural and architectural heritage for future generations. And if you don’t know what that role is, don’t worry. David Suzuki will nag you to death until you turn off your bloody porch light.

HELPING OTHERS
Millions of volunteers freely donate their time to help others without pay -- helping people in need, assisting at your child's school, volunteering at a food bank or other charity, or encouraging newcomers to integrate.

Revenue Canada is still trying to figure out if it can somehow tax them for this.

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So as you can see, this guide will help explain to newly arrived Canadians that citizenship is truly a two-way street.

It’s a two-way street, by the way, which as the guide helpfully points out, was recently re- paved thanks to a Conservative government stimulus grant.