I’m formally announcing in this blog that I will no longer
resist Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s unstoppable media charm machine.
From now on, I will just relax, stop thinking and allow
myself to become totally and mindlessly engulfed in all the rainbows and
lollipops razzmatazz.
Believe me, this wasn’t an easy decision to make, since over
the years I’ve come to expect our national leaders to act like, you know …
adults.
This is why I initially found Prime Minister Trudeau’s various
narcissistic, cutesy-wutesy, man-child antics somewhat off-putting.
Indeed, I felt my gag reflex trigger every time a sappy
Trudeau photo op graced my newspaper; my cringe muscles were sprained whenever
he uttered one of his childish catchphrases – “Canada’s back,” “Because it’s
2015,” “Sunny Ways” – and when he posed for a steamy photo shoot in Vogue
magazine, I wanted to jump off the highest bridge.
Plus let’s not forget the selfies. Oh my God, the selfies! Will
they ever end?! How much shallow cuteness can a guy take!
Sorry. Must calm down.
Anyway, eventually I came to realize that maybe it was just cantankerous,
cynical old me who deplored Trudeau’s steakless sizzle.
Perhaps Trudeau’s vapid and inane media tactics perfectly
conform to our celebrity worshiping, social media addicted, reality TV-show
watching society.
Certainly, Trudeau is soaring high in the polls.
And generally speaking the media – the guardians of our democracy
and the watchdogs of politicians – are more than OK with The Justin Trudeau Show.
In fact, journalists seem
to love it.
Consider some of the media’s recent “hard-hitting” coverage
of our prime minister: Maclean’s
magazine did an indepth interview with Trudeau’s Vogue photographer; the Canadian
Press broke the important story of Trudeau’s take on the new Star Wars movie
(he loved it); and the Huffington Post
actually ran this maudlin headline: “Justin Trudeau kids: We could look at
photos of Hadrien all day”.
Somebody please pass me a barf bag.
It’s like the entire Canadian media industry has turned into
Entertainment Tonight.
I mean if a nuclear war was suddenly to erupt, I have zero
doubt the CBC’s “At Issue” panel would debate whether or not radiation burns
would make Trudeau even more adorable.
And, of course, it would be a ratings blockbuster.
My point is, none of us can escape Trudeau’s publicity
playpen.
So given this unalterable reality, my choice was simple: Go
insane or go with the flow.
This is why, in the name of my mental health, I’ve decided
to embrace the lovable Trudeau in all his insipid glory.
As the saying goes, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
So to all Liberal party spin doctors and to all Trudeau-adoring
media pundits, I say, bring it on.
I’m now psychologically ready to meet with a smile any
Trudeau media stunt you can throw at me, no matter how cloyingly contrived or
embarrassingly juvenile.
If you want to arrange a two hour TV special featuring CBC
news anchor Peter Mansbridge and Trudeau belting out hit tunes from the 80s in
a Karaoke bar, I’d cheer it to the heavens.
And I’d be deliriously happy if Trudeau did something super
cool, such as ordering his Liberal MPs to appear in the House of Commons dressed
as their favorite Star Trek character.
I’d even get Goosebumps and swoon if Trudeau announces his
democratic reforms will include selecting the next prime minister based simply
on whichever candidate gets the most Facebook “likes”.
So yeah, no more negativity on my part.
And if at any point I should ever doubt Trudeau’s superficial,
but fun-loving ways, I’ll just recite those awesomely profound and deeply
inspirational words: “Canada ’s back”
“Because it’s 2015”, “Sunny ways.”
Hooray for pop idol politics!
