The evil that politicians do lives after them; the good is oft interred in their memoirs.
So let it be with Harper.
The noble left-wing scribes hath told thou Harper was a black-hearted tyrant who for these past six and three years didst besmirch our wondrous realm with accursed attack ads and with covetous Senatorial minions and with robocalls most foul.
These are grievous faults, and grievously hath Harper answered them.
Come I to write at Harper’s political funeral.
Yea, my brothers and sisters, as prime minister, Harper did our budget bring to a blessed state of balance, he hath resurrected tales of our long forgotten soldierly deeds, acts so valiant as to make Mars himself take pause; and he did cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war upon our enemies.
But left-wing scribes say he was a dangerous man.
But left-wing scribes say he was a dangerous man.
And left-wing scribes are honorable people.
Recall as well my fellow Canadians how when Progressive Conservatives and Reformers of yore, did bicker like the Montagues and Capulets and cry and wail their sad fate at the ballot box, how Harper too hath wept and through a labour to rival that of Hercules did he bring these two parties together into a wedded union of electoral majesty.
And thus did he give voters a rival to the Liberal leviathan.
Did this in Harper seem dangerous?
Yet left-wing scribes say Harper was a dangerous man.
And left-wing scribes are honorable people.
You all did see that Harper freed Western grain farmers from the bondage of the Wheat Board monopoly, gun owners from the villainous registry and tax-payers from knavish public subsidies that fattened the purses of political parties.
Danger should be made of sterner stuff.
Yet left-wing scribes say he was dangerous.
And surely, they are honorable people.
I write not to disprove what left-wing scribes hath spoke.
But here I am to write what I do know.
And what I know is this: the fate of politicians lies not in their stars or in their records, but in the polls.
So it was for Harper.
When Canadians did feast their eyes upon the young Justin Trudeau, the fair prince of noble name and beauteous visage, whose youthful charisma did Apollo-like dance upon the rays of the sun and whose well-spoke platitudes did fall upon our ears, pleasing those souls which yearned for change.
So did he promise to end our politics of discontent.
And Harper, the melancholy Conservative, did suddenly seem so stale.
Alas poor Harper we knew you well, perhaps too well.
Out, out, brief mandate!
Now so will Harper and his Conservative band of brothers shuffle off this mortal political coil, and in his place will come Trudeau the Younger, an ex-drama teacher who will strut and fret his hour upon the Parliamentary stage, full of sound and fury and photo ops, signifying nothing.
A borrower and a lender will Trudeau be. And red ink will wash across the land, drowning our sorrows in a sea of fiscal troubles.
Such stuff socialist dreams are made on.
To tax or not to tax, that will be the question? Aye, there’s the rub. Whether tis nobler to keep running into debt or to fleece the pockets of Canadians on the morrow? (Coles note translation: Trudeau will definitely hiketh our taxes.)
Yet, perhaps, I doth protest too much.
For left-wing scribes tell the reign of Trudeau will be all to the good.
And surely, they are honorable people.
Recall as well my fellow Canadians how when Progressive Conservatives and Reformers of yore, did bicker like the Montagues and Capulets and cry and wail their sad fate at the ballot box, how Harper too hath wept and through a labour to rival that of Hercules did he bring these two parties together into a wedded union of electoral majesty.
And thus did he give voters a rival to the Liberal leviathan.
Did this in Harper seem dangerous?
Yet left-wing scribes say Harper was a dangerous man.
And left-wing scribes are honorable people.
You all did see that Harper freed Western grain farmers from the bondage of the Wheat Board monopoly, gun owners from the villainous registry and tax-payers from knavish public subsidies that fattened the purses of political parties.
Danger should be made of sterner stuff.
Yet left-wing scribes say he was dangerous.
And surely, they are honorable people.
I write not to disprove what left-wing scribes hath spoke.
But here I am to write what I do know.
And what I know is this: the fate of politicians lies not in their stars or in their records, but in the polls.
So it was for Harper.
When Canadians did feast their eyes upon the young Justin Trudeau, the fair prince of noble name and beauteous visage, whose youthful charisma did Apollo-like dance upon the rays of the sun and whose well-spoke platitudes did fall upon our ears, pleasing those souls which yearned for change.
So did he promise to end our politics of discontent.
And Harper, the melancholy Conservative, did suddenly seem so stale.
Alas poor Harper we knew you well, perhaps too well.
Out, out, brief mandate!
Now so will Harper and his Conservative band of brothers shuffle off this mortal political coil, and in his place will come Trudeau the Younger, an ex-drama teacher who will strut and fret his hour upon the Parliamentary stage, full of sound and fury and photo ops, signifying nothing.
A borrower and a lender will Trudeau be. And red ink will wash across the land, drowning our sorrows in a sea of fiscal troubles.
Such stuff socialist dreams are made on.
To tax or not to tax, that will be the question? Aye, there’s the rub. Whether tis nobler to keep running into debt or to fleece the pockets of Canadians on the morrow? (Coles note translation: Trudeau will definitely hiketh our taxes.)
Yet, perhaps, I doth protest too much.
For left-wing scribes tell the reign of Trudeau will be all to the good.
And surely, they are honorable people.
