Scaring the voters

As far as outward appearances go our federal party leaders -- Conservative Stephen Harper, Liberal Michael Ignatieff, New Democrat Jack Layton and Bloc Quebecois Gilles Duceppe --- don’t seem all that scary.

 Indeed if you didn’t know they were party leaders, you might think they were harmless, geeky, middle aged philosophy professors.

Yet when the next election rolls around an army of consultants, spin doctors, ad guys and pollsters will work day and night coming up with imaginative ways to make voters believe each leader is actually the stuff of nightmares.

When they are finished this is how each leader will likely be defined:

Stephen Harper
Harper is a heartless, mean-spirited, bully who likes to drown endangered animals in toxic tar sands, plus he is harboring a dangerous “hidden agenda” that will include installing the Taliban as head of Canada’s cultural agencies; forcing women to join convents and re-militarizing the Rhineland.

Michael Ignatieff

Ignatieff hates Canada. In fact, he hates Canada so much he actually left the country to live and work in a foreign land, where he picked up all sorts of treacherous and foreign ideas. Now he’s back to contaminate our country with his foreign-inspired book-learning ways. He must be stopped!

Jack Layton
Don’t let the socialist façade fool you. Layton is no friend of the working man. He is actually Harper/Ignatieff’s best friend. A vote for Layton is actually a vote for Harper/Ingatieff. Every vote for Layton brings Canada closer to rule by Capitalist Robber Barons/A Communist Coalition. Be afraid!

Gilles Duceppe

Duceppe is a traitor of the Quebec Nation. After all, every riding in the province that supports Duceppe, will lose out on the usual disproportionate amount of federal pork that’s doled out to Quebec in order to buy votes. Duceppe is denying Quebec’s its rightful plunder!

So those are your choices in the next election.

Vote wisely.